From the Elvish Times, Personals Columns

[lederhosen.livejournal.com]

PENFRIEND WANTED
Elvish adventurer, missing own kind, seeks penfriend. Interests include: exploring, spear combat technique, froofing, pretty things, keeping snakes, killing things, making things out of dead things, bone carving, pointy ears, pretty clothes, pristine wilderness. Write to Calair c/o this paper.

From the Elvish Times, Employment Section

[sithen.livejournal.com]

HELP WANTED
Lab assistant required for menial and degrading tasks under supervision of young Mechanista genius. Must be reasonably flame retardant and shock proof, with extra consideration given to those who heal quickly. Being a nubile young elf-maiden wearing standard 'female fantasy' costume big plus. Should be conversant with cutting edge technology such as Jacobs ladders, diamond edged knives, calipers, sextants, steam power, and dark powder. Maniacal laughter will be looked upon favourably. Please contact Sithen of Enclave Dennou (c/o House Ender, Ruatha) with details of previous work and names of heroes who defeated previous employers. No dwarves need apply.

Ooh, slogans.

[lederhosen.livejournal.com]

Courtesy of The Advertising Slogan Generator:

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... must stop, or will spend hours playing with this.