A Series Of Unfortunate Events

[calair.livejournal.com]

Continued our voyage towards Oloroff. Neil and Leirel have been v. seasick, staying in their cabin and raving about "The turtles! The turtles!" Poor things, could do little for them, although all things considered is possibly good thing Neil was not present for some more recent actions.



Captain of the Saucy Goblin growing increasingly distrustful of us, claiming that we are bringing him bad luck. Suggested perhaps we have been cursed, or broken a mirror, or something. Quaint nautical superstitions! Thought it best not to mention the Mirror Incident of a few weeks ago, since would only fuel the man's irrational thought processes. Instead, pointed out that Lothidius had only just joined us, after the loss of his previous ship, so maybe he was bringing us bad luck.

Later that night, was up in the crow's nest on watch duty. By stroke of extreme good fortune, or perhaps gods have deemed yours truly too pretty to die so young, happened to bend down to retie bootlaces just as ferocious jet of steam blasted overhead. Looked down to see dragon turtle at side of boat, demanding one of us as dinner. Took the time to cast some protective magics on self, while others negotiated with predictable results. Turtle tired of talk and attacked the boat, knocking Lothidius, Morris, and Pip into water. (Took opportunity to, um, leap out of crow's nest - very deliberately, despite what some small-minded folk might suggest - and change into hawk form en route to the deck, before moving to the water and shifting to octopus).

Scuffle followed. Dragon turtle attacked Lothidius and grabbed him, while Morris and Pip swam in opposite directions as fast as they could. Finished casting a growth-enchantment on self and Morris, but alas too late to save Lothidius, who slipped free of the creature's claws only to be caught again and fatally killed. Grabbed turtle and crushed him in powerful tentacles (go me!), and held him for Kanaye to deliver coup de grace.

We then retrieved Pip, Morris, and Lothidius' body from the water. Wanted to keep the dragon turtle's body as a memento, but not possible due to weight and size of boat; instead, kept the head.

Pip spoke to Lothidius' spirit, asking him if he wanted to be reincarnated. Reply two words, second one 'off'. Presumably this is monkish for "no, thank you very much for the kind offer".
Is great shame, but am fallible (as evinced by last year's failure to predict return to vogue of 'orc chic' fashions) and cannot always save everybody's life.

Buried remainder of Lothidius at sea, this apparently being Human expression for "tipped overboard to be eaten by fish.

CHELETH: "If it asks if you want to do a personality test, just say no."

Following day progresses without much incident, until evening, when we run into gigantic island-impersonating sea serpent which promptly eats one of the crew.

CHELETH: "Who wants to be a fish?"

Not satisfied with crewman, serpent then grabs and swallows Kanaye, giving some idea of its size. Could have told it this was a bad idea, as Kanaye promptly illustrates meaning of folk expression "tearing a new orifice" and crawls out through it. Falling some distance to the deck, and very annoyed, but not seriously hurt.

CHELETH: "I hear dead people."

Apparently giving up on swallowing anybody else, serpent then arches up and over the ship, then under, looping around it and beginning to tighten the loop. Apparently intending to crush the ship, which would probably be bad.

PIP: "Is that the way the ferret likes it, or the way you like it?"
CHELETH: "We both like it the same."

All and sundry hack at serpent. Yours truly, in hawk form for the duration and staying well out of serpent's impressive range, attacks with spells, as does Cheleth; eventually Kanaye rips two more orifices, and the deck is drenched with reeking acidic blood as the beast collapses. Suddenly, instead of incompetent live sea-serpent to deal with, we have dead and much more dangerous one, threatening to capsize the ship.

CALAIR: "You're not going to let me keep the head, are you?"

In the end we hack it in two and push it overboard. By this stage, however, boat is badly damaged, missing important accessories such as half the mast. About this time we notice storm is approaching.

Boat is short-handed with loss of crewman, so we pitch in. Cheleth makes a particular effort to learn the sailor's trade, although for some reason the crew seem less than enthused by this.

CHELETH: "I'm justh trying to be a thailor, that'th all."

...

CHELETH: "Should I lash myself to something?"

...

CHELETH: "Can I be a lubber who won't drive me crazy?"

Big wave hits, knocking Cheleth and one of the crew into the water. Ric starts offering to tie everybody up, am rapidly starting to suspect his 'outdoorsy' interests are not as wholesome as they initially appeared. Would not be terribly surprised to discover he had woodcuts of halflings hidden in his pouch somewhere.

Swoop down and grab Cheleth and crewman (Oswald, his name was) in razor-sharp talons, and fly them back to boat. They are surprisingly ungrateful, but just then the boat capsizes in the pounding waves.

Much effort to right boat. Eventually, end up sitting on the keel and doing the magically-enlarged-octopus thing as a counterweight, and the Saucy Goblin is returned to her normal position. We sail on, marvelling at beautiful displays of phosphorescence.

CHELETH: "Maybe this is Tickle Me Elmo's Fire."

Next morning, reincarnate crewman killed by sea serpent (somewhat expensive, but am firm believer in value of goodwill). He returns as a halfling, and while not terribly impressed by this appears glad not to be dead.

Nearing Oloroff, we spot another ship, smaller and faster than our own, coming towards us. On board a motley mix of humans, half-humans, and half-orcs. Could they be pirates? Decide is time for scouting, and to make sure we have the element of surprise if they attack.

Dive off the back end of the boat, back into octopus form, swim over to other boat and surface behind them. Unfortunately, am spotted, and shouts of alarm. Honestly, just because have tentacles, am assumed to be hostile! Racial prejudice is everywhere these days.

Submerge and attach self to keel. This apparently upsets the boat's crew, as one of them jumps into the water and begins hurling spells at yours truly. Bad thing to do, as in octopus form have considerable reach and strength, and am forced to crush the mage in self-defence. By this stage, am rather hoping these people are pirates.

Swim back to Saucy Goblin, surfacing on opposite side from hopefully-pirates, in time to overhear conversation between our people and the crew of the other ship, along lines of "Have you seen our sorcerer? He jumped off the boat to deal with an octopus, and he didn't come back," vs. "Are you pirates? Go on, you can tell us."

In the end, ascertain that other ship is probably not a pirate vessel, merely paranoid due to sailing in pirate-infested waters.

Bother.

We go our separate ways - as they draw away, they release what appears to be a carrier pigeon - and we sail on to Oloroff with the sorcerer's body. At the river mouth we are met by three ships and informed that as we resemble unsavoury types mentioned in recent carrier-pigeon missive, we will have to disembark and walk up the river to Oloroff.

*grumble*

Still have body. Am trying to decide what to do. Suppose one ought to do the honourable thing and reincarnate him; since process of new-body-apparition takes best part of an hour, am tempted to leave v. apologetic note signed "The Octopus" for him to read, and put a considerable distance between self and sorcerer before he comes to.